New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
