i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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