Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
