How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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