I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
