using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
