Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
