i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
