Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
