Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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