i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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