Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
