Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
