I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
