Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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