You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
