I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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