I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
