You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
