I wish my penis had an off switch
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
