I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I will die if light touches me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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