Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
