how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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