I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
