does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
