I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize