so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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