Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
