I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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