I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
