I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
