ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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