Yo dont text me then not text me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
