either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
