She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
