Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to have your abortion
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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