I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
