White coat. Heels.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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