She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize