Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
