it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize