I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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