I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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