census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
