turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize