I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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