Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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