I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I just sharted jello shots
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
