I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just invented taco cereal.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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