we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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