How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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