I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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