Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i drank out of a bidet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
