TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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