i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
