Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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