I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
