I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
