I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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