508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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