Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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