I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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