before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
