I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
third nipple confirmed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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