he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
