my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
