it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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