a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
