Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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