I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
