Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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