pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
