My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
