I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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