I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
