the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
