Someone shit on the floor
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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