I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
