I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
