Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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