She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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