Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
