Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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