I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
