In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
